Women: Managing Stress Effectively
A woman’s stress is much different than a man’s. She has not only many demands in her life from the family needs/nuturing, to excelling in the work environment. We as women tend to also be more perfectionistic in our nature and feel as though we need to truly do everything and do it without error. This is apparent in our work and personal lives. Combine that with the monthly cycles or menapausal symptoms we experience and there is a potential for danger. Danger because we can effectively severe relationships that mean a lot to us and can cause our performance to be dramatically affected in the workplace ultimately causing us to miss out on promotions, or even to be a primary candidate for layoffs. It is critical that women quickly begin to understand why this is happening and how to address it. It is also important for men, as managers/leaders of women and significant others (spouse, friend) to see the signs and help the women in their lives work through what nature and society has brought to them to avoid the dangerous outcomes that could develop.
The first point to note is that women many times are over extending themselves. Because we are by nature, a nuturing gender, we tend to take on the role of caring for others at the expense of ourselves. While we can handle a lot of multi-tasking and activity in our lives, we will hit that point when we can do no more and a melt down occurs. That melt-down can look very different from female to female depending on their style, but it never is pleasant for them or those around them. The key to success here is to understand when too much is happening and dial back. Women need to make “choices” as to what is important to them basis their values and needs. They need to understand that there is no such thing as work/life balance and that it is truly all about “life” and what we choose to do.
The second point that follows the above comments is that women need to fundamentally learn to delegate. We need to let go. Yes, when someone else does the task, it will not be as perfect as we would have liked, but it will most likely be just fine. Remember the first few times you delegate, it may take some time to explain and help the other person to “get it right.” But, in the long run, it will save you from stress in your life going forward. This practice needs to occur both in the home and work environment. Many women do not move up in the corporate world because they are so focused on the tactical that they miss the opportunities to connect with those that can make a difference in their careers and think from more of a visionary perspective. In our personal lives, when we hit that boiling point, life becomes miserable for all of those around us and relationships can truly deteriorate. Note, that men don’t realize “why” we are at our boiling point until it’s too late many times. They don’t tend to multi-task like we do and they tend to be focused on the one or two things that are important in their lives at that moment. It is not a bad thing that they do this. It is part of their DNA and socialization. We as men and women are just different.
The third point is that we as women just need to let some things go. Maybe it is just not important to have the toilet paper roll, rolling correctly or to have the house perfectly clean. It is recommended that you look at what your values are and list them out. Then create a list of goals that fit into your values. Finally, look at your daily activity listing and make sure that what you are doing each day fits into your goals and ultimately your values. Once you do that, you will be able to really prioritize what is important and let the other stuff go!
Fourth, women need to confront issues or situations that are bothering them, head on. It is not that we need to be aggressive in how we do it, we just need to find out why people are doing what they are doing or saying. In almost all cases, there is a clear reason why someone may be causing stress in our lives. The key to success is to ask open-ended questions to really find out the why. We are socialized as women to not confront issues/situations. We don’t say what is on our mind many times and if we have an issue with someone, we avoid addressing them directly. We have been taught to do this from day one and should not feel bad about it. We just need to build an awareness around it and figure out a new approach so that we have less stress in our lives and more happiness.
Fifth, it is important for all of us to keep in mind that we have monthly PMS or menapausal symptoms that enhance our stress levels. This is a fact of life and we should not hide or be shy about it. Depending on your style and how you react to stress, during these times you will take different actions. Women with a “driver” style, will take action and get things done. Many times their actions will not be the best long-term decisions for them. If the woman is a “detail” orientated style, she may get even more detailed, and focused on the rules. She will tend to not tell others what is wrong and withdraw. To an extent that others will be forced away from her. If she is a “communicator” style, she will express her emotions freely and many times inappropriately. She will say things that she just should not have said. Lastly, those women with a “creative” style will tend to get upset, feel neglected and will go into their cave and say nothing. The others in her life will not know what is going on and will be totally confused.
The key to success is understanding what your relational and communicative style is and what stress looks like. Once you know that and you understand the typical stressors for females, you can begin to be aware of when it is hitting and be able to manage it effectively. It is important for all of us to understand these fundamental workings within the female world as it can dramatically affect happiness overall for everyone.
4 Responses to “Women: Managing Stress Effectively”
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March 29th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
thanks !! very assistive post!
March 31st, 2009 at 7:26 am
Really good post. Thank you for sharing.
April 24th, 2009 at 10:58 am
VRy interesting to read it
May 27th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
amazing stuff thanx